Wins and Struggles

I’m struggling here. I have to say that the steps that I’m taking have lead me so far out of the proverbial black hole. I’m less depressed and less anxious. My pain has reduced significantly.  These are big wins!

I’m also finding ways to turn around my thinking to look at the brighter side. Including visualizing a healthy, happy and prosperous version of myself. 

My relationship with my husband has met a whole new level. It’s beautiful in my eyes.

My struggle is: on the outside I appear better but, on the inside… I can barely breath, I can barely sleep and I can barely feel enough to care for myself and my house. 

My new meal planning has been good even thought it can be frustrating. The good is that I’ve lost about 3 pounds (I haven’t weighed in a few days). I can actually think clearer. I don’t get toungetied any longer. Actually, learning how to eat every two to three hours on a schedule can feel tiresome. Oh. My. Gawd… I have to eat again? Yes! Because the meals are only about 100-200 calories. So, if I go too long, I’ll be weak and struggle. My glycemic levels are running on a tight line. In addition, there has been a hiccup in the education of my coach. While he is very motivated, he had no idea that I had the incorrect information and, in fact, was not eating enough. I was only eating about 900 calories in a day, without feeling hungry because of the constant eating. So, now I have to eat more for my prepared meals. This is all cool, but I want my Doritos and donuts! 😩 My husband is so motivated to eat better for long term health. I’m over here like.. where is my giant bowl of spaghetti in which I drowned my emotions??

Hopefully the increase in calories will give me energy. I’m pretty sure I’ll need sleep for that, however. 

I am off to the psychiatrists appointment. I also have a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy class. I’m learning the art of seeing problems in a different way, so my body doesn’t go apeshit when shit hits the fan. 



3 thoughts on “Wins and Struggles

  1. More calories will give you more energy, but you do need to sleep. Your body burns more calories when you’re tired because it has to work harder to keep your systems going. But, yea, losing your Doritos and donuts really, really sucks. Really sucks.

    I’m sorry you’re struggling, but I’m glad you’re having good moments, too. Some days are better than others. It’s a back and forth. But you’re getting stronger.


    1. Thank you, I’ve taken in a little more calories than I burn yesterday and today. Still soooooo tired. Psychiatrist has ordered blood work. Just in case. Fibromyalgia is a fickle bitch.. it could just be that. I miss donuts soooo much!


    2. Yea, dealing with a chronic illness like that can take a lot out of you. Hopefully they’ll figure something out so you don’t feel so tired all the time.

      All this talk about donuts is making me hungry for donuts lol!


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