Hit me

It feels like I keep getting hit from every angle. Like these past few years have been the fight of my life. I fight the invisible. Incredible body pain, severe depression, severe anxiety, lies, deceit, feelings of worthlessness, being made to feel worthless. These are feelings that prevent me from thriving.

I’ve just began sessions with a new therapist who asked me what I want to achieve in my therapy sessions.  I’d like to be able to stand on my own without letting anyone make me feel sad, worthless, confused or inadequate. I need the strength to pick myself up, dust myself off and become the self sufficient woman that I once was. I want this to be my goal in spite of  the pain and exhaustion that I feel.

I want a job that I enjoy and not one that gets me by.  I want hobbies that are fulfilling and not those that I can only do because I can’t do what I want.

I need to break free of this never ending boxing match with whatever it is that I’ve been fighting.

One of the first things that I must determine: is it me that I am fighting or is it them? Do I take things out of context and blame others for making me feel bad or is it other people in my life that continue to keep me down in order to make themselves feel superior?

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5 thoughts on “Hit me

  1. “Do I take things out of context and blame others for making me feel bad or is it other people in my life that continue to keep me down in order to make themselves feel superior?”

    Ah, the great battle of mental illness. Am I just being oversensitive, or is everyone around me really a douche? And the answer is probably yes on both accounts. People, particularly people who don’t deal with mental illness (either because they don’t have one or they just haven’t been diagnosed), can tend to be insensitive and, at times, generally awful. And then, in my experience, my anxiety takes their general douche-baggery and makes it seem ten times worse than it is. Of course, that’s just me and your mileage may vary. Just know you’re not alone; not by a long shot.

    Good luck with your new therapist! ❤

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